Dreams I'm scared to talk about.

I remember only bits and pieces of this one. I loved some parts of it and hated the rest.

I was some kind of business owner and had a shop that looked like it was in some kind of warehouse place at a dock or pier. It had that kind of feel to it. I don't know what exactly I did in the business but it was something art related. then I had a man come in with something he wanted fixed. it was a blanket or huge cloth that was embossed and already had some colouring on it and I looked at it and told him that it would have to be done by hand and would be very expensive. as I said that, he shoved it into my hands and said "done" because there was nowhere else that could do it. then I sat down at a work table and my employees watched as I filled a box with orange dye, then took a needle and I bunch of white cotton threads and stuck the needle with the threads through the bottom of a long test tube. I then put it in the dye. after a bit I tried to use it but the dye hadn't set properly and it was only pink so I had to leave it longer.

then the dream switched. I remember a scene with Mandy Moore and her chasing somebody down the street from a fancy restaurant next to my business. don't remember who or why but I know she was on a date and the person she chased was not her date.

then suddenly I was in front of Geoffrey and being asked to go for exorcism. I was naked on the floor and his hands were on my forehead and he was occasionally saying some things I couldn't hear. prayers probably. and I was shaking and unable to control my movements and felt like how people look on tv when they're possessed. writhing and stuff. after awhile I started to gain consciousness and I got up and crouched in a corner. he came over and told me it was okay, and that i didn't have to be embarrassed that I was naked or anything. he said even if he had been naked too, his commitment to Karen wouldn't have let him even become aroused. and I was okay and going to be fine.

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Revelation.

Today was home group again at Tamara's house, and it was so great. Revelation day. They were praying for me about my back and to be able to find a job, and in the meantime to know and love and rely on God for my job. But then Karen mentioned something. She said she had the sense that God was trying to tell me how special I am to Him, and that He adores me so much. Tamara also had a vision of a window with light shining through it, and a purplish-pinkish haze. If it's from God, I'm sure He will reveal it in good time.

Then, Ivan and I were talking and he mentioned how they had to fill Stanley in on the night that Karen and Geoffrey prayed for me, and Geoffrey remembered that I had this sense that I was worthless.

And then it clicked.

I get it now. I get why God keeps trying to tell me how much He loves and adores me and how special I am to Him. It's because for so long I've thought I was worthless, and He's trying to really let me know that that's not true at all. And it's not one or two incidents, it's every time someone tells me something from God, it always has this element of how special I am, and how much He adores me and loves me. And there was a click in my heart.

So that's my revelation of the day. I understand it now, God, and I am so grateful that you've told me this over and over and over again without tiring or losing your message, until I've finally gotten it. It's just so awesome.

Hearing from God week 10

Tonight, I heard confirmations for things that I've heard before, but also some new things.

Tony - Jeremiah, God loves me with an everlasting love. "I have loved you with an everlasting love"

Judy - I am the most beautiful flower that God has created, and He is so happy with me. She didn't get the name of the flower or any details, but that I am a most beautiful flower. She said I have a radiant smile. She also gave me a verse from Corinthians about fragrance.

2 Cor 2:15
For we are to God the pleasing aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing.

And I told them that I had smelled a wonderful spiritual aroma arising from PGCC once upon a time, on a day when the sermon was powerful and the praises of people rose up like a fragrance to the heavens.

Stanley said 2 things. The first was that He would take away things that might have been said to me in the past regarding my relationship with God, things that were discouraging or unkind would be taken away. He also said that he saw a windy day and that God was telling him that He would blow away everything that's blocking the path between me and God. I am on the right path and I should keep doing what I am doing and continue to seek Him.

Susan said that she saw a sunny day in a park and an ice cream truck and an atmosphere of happiness. She also said that there was this sense of refreshment, that I refresh God, even though I am His creation.

Brent said that he saw a massive tree and that He loves to look at me under this tree and it's somewhere I love to be. He also said he saw many kids there but among the kids, God sees me. He adores me in this place as I am.

There seems to be this sense of God trying to tell me just how much he loves me, and that I am so special to Him. Nothing I do could make Him love me any more or any less. I have heard this before, and I have had it drawn for me in a picture, but what is it about this that I am not getting? I must pursue this issue and ask God what He is trying to say and how it fits into His plan for me. But it's true. He has created a joyful person in me. I was born joyful and I was joyful as a child. It was taken away from me in teenhood and in my young adult I swung between mania and depression but I have had that taken away from me. I know a true joy and peace now in the Lord, and He has brought me through my trials and tribulations to know what true joy is. I no longer have days where all I want to do is cry. I always have somewhere to turn and someone to turn to. I am happy a lot, but in a mature, non-manic way. I am joyful. The joy of the Lord is my strength.

Judy mentioned one more thing; I should sing and praise/worship. She had this sense that it was something I should do is sing. And it comes very naturally. When I sing to worship the Lord in church, it arises from a spiritual place within me, and it comes easily. Singing outside of that, you can hear that I am trying very hard to sing, but singing to the Lord, which is a special time of relationship for me and Him, comes very naturally to me.

I just remembered another section of my dream last night, where I was going to use the toilet.. and every single time I would get black ants all over my ass and crotch, biting me.. like tons of ants.. so that when I brush them off, you can feel the pinpricks of their heads. And it was in a basement where I was supposed to rent.. or something like that.

Condition of the heart?

I dreamt I was in school. Secondary school, and this time it really looked a lot like Crescent. I was on one of the upper floors in the school (first or second, I think it was second) and we were on the left side wing of the school where all the C classrooms used to be and we were the third down the corridor from the stairs I think. Miss Azlin was there, and Nicole was in my class as well. Sometime before class, we started fighting, me and Nicole. Really furiously fighting, hitting each other, trying to make each other really really hurt. It didn't hurt of course, but I could feel how hard I was pinching her and smacking her and stuff. Then when Ms Azlin came in, everything settled down, but she came over and started to ask me why I arranged things on my desk the way I did. Neat and exactly on my desk, not at all crossing over to Nicole's. I had several bottles of drinks, a letter holder thing stuffed with papers, some letters and money. She started asking why I didn't share my things with Nicole and I just got angrier and angrier and I started to yell that she started it first but the more I tried to explain what happened the harder it was. Even within myself it became harder and harder to figure out what had really happened, and harder and harder to yell. And as I tried, the other people in the classroom became rowdier and rowdier until finally it was this huge mess and nobody could hear anything except the noise. I was so frustrated I started slamming my desk repeatedly. Then some students showed up from other classes saying they needed to join our class (can't remember the reason) and they all brought their desks and sat outside the classroom as though being punished and waited for the lesson to start.

I have no idea what this dream is about, but I was white hot angry and unable to talk, speak or fathom anything, much like what goes on in real life sometimes, just not to such an extent. I seem to recall something about a basement and a pipe with water... almost like a sewage place.. but it's slipping from my mind and this image is all I recall.

Condition of the heart dream, seems like it. Well, I did ask for it. I just need my heart and fists to stop clenching before I can start doing any dream interpretation.